Date of publication: 2017-08-25 20:02
Somehow I believe, in the final view of things, that those who are artists are often those who tried being normal first and just weren 8767 t that good at it. We didn 8767 t connect well with your average school kid, and struggled so much to be understood in the world that we turned to the outer world to express ourselves and connect there. This lack of interpersonal skills kind of sets us up to be less than ideal parents. No matter how hard you try.
In my home, there are some things my husband does because he knows they drain me (all after-meal cleanup, travel arrangements, fixing things). There are other things we pay for (some cleaning, some laundry, some childcare, groceries delivered by Fresh Direct, diapers delivered by Amazon, consultations on the best kindergarten) and some things we let go of (perfect order and cleanliness, folded laundry). There are some things I do (baths and bedtime, meal planning, managing the childcare, doctor 8767 s appointment, education/school appointments, teaching our son to read). The key is that I do what I most want to do, and as much as possible, and in whatever way possible, let go of the things I really hate doing.
She raised me alone. When I first wanted to go to a boarding school, my grandmother chastened her—“It’s cruel to let the girl look at those catalogs when you could never afford to send her.” But send me she did, and paid for four years of college, and supported me again and again as I tried and failed and tried to have a career as a writer. I have lost count of how many times I have moved back into her house. I am living there now with my husband and children!
In a 6977 essay for Esquire on the agonies of being flat-chested x7568 one of a series of funny, personal pieces with which she made her name x7568 Ephron described her mother x7569 s bracing approach to pubescence: x756c x7559 'I want to buy a bra, x7569 I said to my mother one night. 'What for? x7569 she said. My mother was really hateful about bras x7576 'Why not use a Band-Aid instead? x7569 x7559 x756d
And there is nothing more subversive for a woman to do than believe she deserves to get what she wants and to recognize in herself the willingness to fight to get it.
Thank you for this!
Beautiful beautiful writing.
Gives me so much to reflect on. Sometimes I believe I am lazy because I can 8767 t make amazing things or anything happen with my scrambled brain in the little bit of time that my 8 mo old son is sleeping.
Our work is unappreciated, unseen, exhausting, sops our essence from us.
Damn our culture.
We need more help.
I am not sure that the opposite of self-less is self-ish, nor that either precisely describes our roles pre or post children, or domesticating vs. art-making, but they are terms worth getting to the bottom of. Also, I think of my art-making time as a hinge as well when I chose to prioritize it, I also think I am showing my son (and anyone 8767 s son, and anyone 8767 s daughter) that art, writing, creative-making is worthy and necessary of attention. And not at the expense of the rest of my life.
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It is rare to see it supposed that a female writer would have written more or better if she had had children, but that is exactly what Gottlieb suggests here: That to be an art monster on some level also requires that one become a monster, and perhaps the work of a lonely and sad monster is actually less robust than that of a psychologically healthy, happy, productive adult.